This is a song about accepting loss. Not an ordinary kind of loss, but a loss that a significant portion of yourself has become entangled with. A kind of pseudoesthesia, if you will; the pain of a loss of a part of yourself.
Pseudoesthesia is “An illusion of feeling in a limb that has been amputated. It is also called ‘phantom pain.'” (source: [PsychologyDictionary.org]). This is a psychological and clinical term for phantom pain; sometimes when you lose a limb, you still have the sensation that the limb is there, and sometimes, you even feel pain in the area as if it were coming from the place that limb used to be. Certain psychological events cause a kind of spiritual limb loss.
I chose the title to describe a spiritual equivalence. The psyche experiences death from time to time. This is necessary. It attaches itself to things and people. Sometimes, those things fail us on a fundamental level. At times, we have fully identified with the connection that has now failed us. When that happens, we have to let pieces of ourselves die. The truth is, you can’t actually let that piece of you go; the only thing you can really do is suppress it, and ignore it until it falls silent. It is a death of self, and the sensation of death certainly does accompany it. Over time, we resurrect and return to the living, ready to form new connections to people and things, but we never forget that sense of death.
Some Notes on This Piece
This piece begins and ends in c# minor, which I consider to be the darkest key. Spiritual pseudoesthesia immerses the self into a darkness – a terrible nothingness. Consequently, the piece is slow and stoic about itself. It undergoes a development section, and there is some polyphonic emergence against the primary theme, and then piece returns to c# minor and ends on a double octave with an embedded fifth scale degree in the higher octave, which gives the piece a hollow emptiness at the end.
Stylistically, this piece is quite impressionistic with some blues influence.